Wellness Health Screening

Sorry I'm being a total blog hog :(  Or like, just spamming.  Tiffy write more plz XD


i apologize for not writing :( things have been busy lately and i haven't really done anything productive, especially in cosplay...i really hope i can get tifa done!

So the other day at my company, they had a free "Wellness Health Screening."  Basically, you get to go to this place with lots of people and tables and get poked and prodded and then told how unhealthy you are, because you just came out of college where you didn't have the time to be healthy and eat right and exercise because you were too busy being a good student and studying and making costumes going out to eat going dancing playing doing your homework and now you're working and instead of exercising you spend 8+ hours sitting on your bum all day being a good employee and staring at a computer screen and you're just too lazy tired to cook when you get home so you eat unhealthy junk food and the most exercise you get all day is walking from your car to your office but at least your fingers are healthy because you spend all day typing.

Anyways, the point is, you get to go and get these free tests.  They first ask you for your "Personal Wellness Vision" -- aka, goals to be healthier, of which I have a lot and none (because I'm lazy like that).  Then they do all these tests and tell you your blood pressure, glucose, body composition, cholesterol, and health risks.  And they also had special dietitians or nutritionists or something; they had a fancy name but I forgot it, but basically they have the educated right to tell you what you should or should not be eating.

The first test was the blood pressure test.  I sat down at the side of a table and -- well, you've probably gotten your blood pressure checked before.  They put this thing on your arm and it inflates and gets really tight and for a second, you're absolutely certain that all that pressure has got to go somewhere, and it's probably going out the most inconvenient way possible: through your fingertips, or perhaps your elbow.  (I'm going to stop there and spare you the graphic details of my imagination.)  Anyways, before you know it, it's over.  Now, the whole time you do this, you're supposed to sit quietly and breathe deeply and be relaxed, or else you're going to skew the readings.  The lady told me to close my eyes and take deep breaths... which, of course, instantly made me want to crack up (because I tend to laugh for absolutely no reason, and if you really get me started, there's no stopping me).  Somehow I managed to be mature for a moment and be calm long enough to get through that XP i totally can imagine that lol

If you haven't done one of those, try it next time you go to Walmart.  There's seriously something about having to be calm that makes you feel giddy and giggly inside, no matter how stupid that makes you feel.

Next was the glucose test.  I would strongly recommend against getting this test if you can at all avoid it.  What they do is take some of your blood and put it on this stick thing and then into this other thing.  (I use these really vague, untechnical terms because I was too anxious to actually absorb what they looked like).  Then that thing, the one with a puddle of your blood just pooling there, somehow does its thing and tells you if you're about to get diabetes or not.  Well, not really, it just tells you your glucose levels (which, I've gathered, is basically your blood sugar level, and I think that's pretty indicative of diabetes possibility-ness).

The gist of it is that I got viciously stabbed with a pink spear of doom and it hurt.  And then the lady squeezed my finger for all that it was worth and took my blood, all under the pretense of health screenings.  And the band-aid she gave me wasn't even Hello Kitty :(  Although, I did get two, because I started bleeding out the top.  Yes, that's how much blood there is.  So don't do this if you don't have to.

What makes me sad is that I asked her if it would hurt, and she said it'll prick a little, and then when she did it I was like, "OW."  But I'm too soft, so I think she didn't hear me, and she was like, "I guess it didn't hurt that much."  And I was like, "Yes, it hurts."  And the other lady, who was doing the test on someone else, was like, "Well, you're not crying, so it couldn't have hurt that much."  TT___TT (<-- That was me on the inside.)

Oh, apparently it tells you your cholesterol levels, too.  Not sure how that works but apparently blood is very informative.  lol yeah i probably could go on about this forever XD but yes cholesterol and glucose do travel free in your bloodstream and the tests measure those concentrations through byproducts created after enzyme catalysis :D 

The next test is the one you don't want to take if you're at all self-conscious about your body.  It's called "Body Composition."  First, they pull out a tape measure, have you put one end on your belly button, and make you spin in a circle so that they can measure the circumference of your waist.  Then, they ask you your height and make you stand on a digital scale to get your weight (mine was higher than I thought it would be QQ).  Then, the put this weird floppy, round-shaped disk  thing on your upper arm, and somehow that thing measures your body fat percentage.  They put everything into this little machine that looks like one of those receipt printers with buttons on it -- you know, like some kind of accountant tool, and not a genuine, trustworthy health tool? Calipers!!!! yeah i totally would not want my body fat pinched by that T_T but it's a legit tool lol  Oh, but there was no pinching?

When everything is done, they send you to sit down with someone in a one-on-one discussion, where that someone magically interprets your numbers and tells you how unhealthy the numbers indicate that you are.  Okay, not really, but they do tell you what your numbers mean based on these charts that you get on the back of your sheet anyways, so why you need someone else to reiterate and know about how unhealthy you are doesn't make sense to me.

Actually, I'm really not that unhealthy.  I'm actually fairly healthy.  But I AM a FATTY.  XDDD  See below.

Screening results

Blood pressure: A little above the highest threshold for "normal," but they say it's because we were getting it done at work.  Makes sense.

Glucose: Surprisingly low for how much sugar I consume.  Much lower than "in range" (good) for non-fasting people, and I'm actually in the lower end of the "in range" for fasting people.  It's low.  I have low blood sugar, so not a surprise, but it's good to know that despite how much sugar I put into my body, I won't get diabetes anytime soon v(^__^)v

Cholesterol: In the normal range overall.  Yay.  Yeah, I can't really explain this one that well.  The lady did tell me that HDL high = good, LDL low = good.  And something  about how cholesterol does something for your blood, but there are evil ones that like to be sticky and cling onto the walls of your blood vessels so that they clog up and burst open and suddenly there's blood everywhere and you die.  And the good ones are the ones that come along like guards and are like, "Are you stupid?  None of that mess.  If the host dies, so do YOU.  So get moving."  (Somehow that became my interpretation.) HAHAHAHA we need to talk christine

Body composition:  This is the one that kind of makes me crack up and confused.  My BMI is really low.  (BMI is your height to weight ratio.)  Apparently I'm sort of close to being underweight.  And my waist circumference is apparently also pretty small, and I have very low risk (for what, I have no idea, but it's good to know that whatever I don't know about won't kill me).  BUT... my body fat percentage is really, really high.  For people my age, the "goodness" of my body fat % is "well below average"... meaning I'm a total fatty compared to everyone my age who is a female XDXD

For some reason I just think that's really funny.

The dietitian told me that I have to eat dinner (which I wasn't doing, because I'm not hungry at night after eating lunch... I don't eat much).  Apparently if you don't eat for 5 hours, your body starts storing fat.  Lame. it's evolution :) and i agree with your dietitian lol  And she said walk at least 20 minutes continuously a day.  (I don't exercise at all, because I'm lazy.)  And she told me to eat more.  So everyone who has been telling me I don't eat enough, dietitian says you're right.  I can't help it if my stomach is small and my nausea indicator is overactive >__<;

I'm sure this was all very interesting.  Now you know how unbalanced I am.  Yep.

This post was kind of pointless, but now you know more about health than I used to :D

Tiffy, you should take a health screening, too XD  You're probably much healthier than me. lol i probably should get a health screening but i'm terrified lol i've definitely been more active lately, but i also weigh more too....muscle mass!!! *crosses fingers*
I bet your body fat % will be really low :O doubt it lol